7 months

2 Sep

It’s hard to believe that 7 months ago – at this very minute – I was bargaining with the anesthesiologist to please please give me another epidural. Alas, she said no, that two was my limit, and unfortunately I was going to have to push the baby out without more pain meds. And I (screaming the whole way) did. At 5:41 on February 2nd, Baby R arrived as a fat, healthy baby. It was hard to believe that within in 24 hours (ok, 9 months) I had become a mother. A few pushes and life changed forever.

And changed it has. No longer is everything about me or my husband or my job or anything else I deemed important at the time, but it’s centered around Baby R and the little family she created when she entered this world. It’s not up to my husband and I to figure out what to do anymore, it’s up to us to figure out how to help Baby R become the best person she can be. The changes, I find, are the most wonderful changes in the world. Not at all scary (ok, sometimes they are!) like people make them out to be when they speak to you in that dark, deep tone and say “nothing will ever be the same”. Well, duh!! That was the point! We were ready to leave behind our childhood, and create someone elses. We were grateful for the change, and looking back its hard to believe its only been 7 months. Certain days it feels like a minute, other days I can barely remember what it was like to not have a child.

I’ll never forget the definitive moment of “I’m having a baby, and I’m no longer a child” that to me, set a clear line of leaving my childhood behind, becoming responsible for someone else’s. I had progressed enough during the night that the Doctor had me wheeled into Labor and Delivery at about 9am (I was induced so my last night of Freedom was spent hanging out in the OB ward – fun!) and as I was saying goodbye to my family (hubby and my Mom would follow me in a bit) my Dad looked at me, gave me a hug and a kiss, said I love you and good luck. Right there, at that moment, I became I full-fledged adult. My “Daddy” was sending me off to become a Mom, and emotionally, sent me off into the great big world (bawling my eyes out I might add, damn hormones).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve lived on my own since I graduated college, paid my own way (mostly!), got married and settled into life as a couple. But I always felt that kid-like exuberance and having Baby R, my kid-like exuberance turned into something much more concrete, fulfilling and satisfying. I’m not sure what it is, but I like it. Sure, some days I want to take off and not have a care in the world. But most days, I’m happy as can be focusing on my little family, and the wonderful changes Baby R has brought to it. Not only am I more complete, but my marriage is, my life is and I’m pretty sure that its only going to get better – so Happy Birthday Baby R!


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